The definition of a split second: a very brief time.

The definition of a nano second: one billionth of a second, or the time it takes the jackass in the car  behind you to beep his horn after the light turns green.

There is no word for the time it takes my LO to say, “You can go now,” when the light turns green. It’s uncanny, As if he can see inside the traffic signal’s little timer.  But, it’s faster than a speeding nano, I can assure you.

With apologies to Dustin Hoffman’s “Rain Man,” I am a very good driver.  I can handle a car. Give me a good snow storm and I’ll go pick up groceries for you. Red light on a very steep hill with a standard transmission?  I’m idling with one foot on the clutch and the other on the gas pedal.

So, DO NOT TELL ME HOW TO DRIVE. EVER.

Back in the day, that and much more would have been my response.

I am not an angel, but I do understand that he can’t drive, doesn’t know where we are going or how to get there, and wants to be helpful.  So, if his “contribution” is to comment on my slow reactions to a traffic light, so be it.

Grit your teeth, take a breath, and smile. Keep your cool. It’s over in a nanosecond.

With love and hope, Jane